Trees are stupid, sticky, and smelly, they break the roads and sidewalks, and drop little pieces of themselves all over my house and car. I hate trees.
Oh I know the birds  like them, but who needs bird  poop on their cars, one time I had a bird poop on my head from a tree, and I didn't like that either, if the tree wasn't there than there would have been no bird poop on my head that day. Stupid birds in stupid trees, waking me up in the morning and pooping. If birds were civilized they would use the tree to wipe their bottoms like humans do.
I really like to cut down trees and burn them, the food I cook on the fire tastes especially good because I know it was cooked with tree.

At my work I help turn trees into business reports, which we file away and never read again. This is what trees are for.